btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
