And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
