my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
