I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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