I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
