i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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