Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
