is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
