I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
