Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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