do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
