The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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