Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
