We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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