Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
