Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
