he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
