I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
