upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize