hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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