I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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