So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
