I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
