She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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