who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
