Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
