So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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