okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
