Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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