I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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