Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
