Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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