We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
