i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
