My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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