This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I party with great urgency now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
