why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
