Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
