we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
