Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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