we're making bets on your personal life
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
