god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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