all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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