I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
