The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
