Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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