He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
