it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
