just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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