My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
