You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
