No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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