Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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