my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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