I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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