Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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