im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
