If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
