i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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