Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
