OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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