I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
