The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
