shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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