the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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