But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
