I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
