matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
