Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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