I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
