He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
