My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
