Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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