I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
