so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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