You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
