I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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