I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
