Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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