When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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