I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
