He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
