My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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